Drunk Stefan, Naked Streaking and Water Pixies
by a Happy Psychosis
Summary: In episode 8 162 candles Lexi said that Stefan "...jumped naked in the Trevi fountain...". Were you wondering what EXACTLY happened then? CLICK THE TITLE TO FIND OUT!


**OK, so this is my version of what really happened when Lexi said that Stefan "… jumped naked in the Trevi fountain…"**

**~*~**

_**Rome, Italy – 2000 new year**_

Lexi scanned the closely packed human bodies, looking for a certain veggie vampire by the name of Stefan. She couldn't see him anywhere.

Where the hell did he go?

She shoved her way through the dancing crowd, away from the railings of the Trevi fountain, which was illuminating the new years midnight countdown festivities. Which were, in Lexi's opinion, a huge letdown. No big explosives, no riots, no escaped wild animals, and barely anything illegal going on at all. Well, except for a shifty looking teenager dealing drugs a few yards away, Lexi had tried that before when she'd taken 'speed' this one time and had gone around her friends party talking really loudly about her self. So it had had no effect on her at all.

The music was _awful._ They were doing a decade countdown of bands and right no they were on 'the swingin sixties'.

At that point Lexi had to try very hard to get the picture of Damon dressed in disco gear out of her head.

The booze here was the really toxic stuff that singed your hair and made you see dancing pink Chihuahua's on the ceiling, you know, the stuff made from hobo vomit.

Lexi grinned. Always look at the bright side.

Ah! That's what she needed. Alcohol! The solution to, and reason for, all of life (and the after life)'s little problems.

After all, Stefan was a 152 year old gentleman. What's the worst that could happen?

She pushed past some more people until she could see the bar. She watched as a middle-aged man drained a small glass of… blue stuff. He slapped the vial onto the counter and almost immediately started to wobble on his chair. The stool tilted back and he toppled backwards onto the floor, landing in a heap at Lexi's feet. Her vampire hearing caught him mumbling something about a golden toad running away with his zombie bride.

Lexi looked down at the flat out man below her, then shrugged and walked over his stomach. She flicked the bar stool back up with her foot and sat at the bar. "I'll have what he's having, skip."

"ID?" asked the bar man.

"It's in my other pants."

"ID?"

"Just give me the drink."

"ID?"

"Just get it."

"ID?"

Lexi slapped the bar's surface "Listen, I am over three hundred years old, skip! _Just get me a frickin beer_!"

"……ID?"

Lexi sighed and slumped back down, slamming her head. "Just bring me a coke."

Stupid Stefan. _He _could put on his stupid glasses and tie and look legal and buy his own stupid vodka. Stupid.

Skip the bar man slid the coke across the counter to Lexi and she twirled her finger around the rim idly. Where the hell _was_ Stefan?

Then she heard it. "!!!!!!"

_Oh, dear god…_

She knew that voice. It was Stefan. She knew that tone. He was drunk.

She heard shocked exclamations and whispers travel through the crowd like a Mexican wave of scandal.

_Do I even want to know?_

She slipped off the barstool and started shoving her way through the humans once more. Well it _was_ his turn to pay bail if they got arrested.

A few humans were looking her up and down appreciatively and one especially drunk one (apparently with a death wish) tried to grab her ass. She broke his fingers. They left her alone after that.

She finally reached the fountain rail and pushed one last woman out of the way, ignoring her colourful complaints and insults. She'd been called worse.

"!!!!!! Up !!!!!!"

Lexi looked up to the marble roof of the Trevi fountain monument and started to laugh her immortal butt off.

Good news? She'd found Stefan. Bad news? He'd lost his clothes.

She was right before. He was just a _tiny_ bit _tipsy_. The only item of clothing on his body was a pair of very small, very un-St-Stefan-like green Speedos. He had an almost empty brandy bottle in one hand and, because of his tottering and wobbling, he was trying very hard not to spill it all.

"Lexiiiiiiii! Watch thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis!"

Then he jumped from his 85foot high perch and sailed through the air with a "!!!!!!"

He landed with a splash to make Shamoo at Sea world jealous (And Lexi knew just how jealous killer whales could be, but that's a different story) and soaked the gob smacked crowd. Lexi saw a few of them calling the _polizia _and even a couple contacting the local mental institution to see if there were any recent escapees. The humans turned away, not really wanting to see a crazy guy swimming naked in a national monument.

Lexis looked back down to see a pair of green Speedos floating to the surface, but with no Stefan occupying them. The vampire in question popped up in the centre of the water fountain base, grinning like a crazy Cheshire cat. He pulled his hand from under the water and put the brandy bottle to his mouth, looking confused when all that came out was fountain water.

"W-w-where did my brandy go?" he asked, heartbroken. ", did yooooou take my brandy?"

"No Stef, the water pixies took your brandy." She might as well have some fun with it.

"Really?" he whispered, not wanting to frighten away the 'water pixies'.

"Yeah, really. They're invisible, but they only come out at night, and they grant wishes, and they have five arms, and purple-" Lexi was on a roll, but was cut off because Stefan's newly found short attention span had caused him to start singing the chorus of _Buttercup Baby_.

"_WHY DO YOU BUILD ME UP_

_BUILD ME UP_

_BUTTERCUP BABY, JUST TO LET ME DOWN_

_LET ME DOWN_

_AND MESS ME AROUND_

_AND THEN WORST OF ALL_

_WORST OF ALL_

_YOU NEVER CALL, BABY WHEN YOU SAY YOU WILL_

_SAY YOU WILL_

_BUT I LOVE YOU ST-"_

He stopped mid song, probably forgetting he had ever even started singing in the first place.

He did a slow motion underwater back flip **(A/NI love doing those! I did four without coming up once!)** and when he came back up he said "Do you think for a second I flew? You were watching weren't you?" then a manic grin spread across his face "HA HA! That rhymed! I'm a poet and I didn't know it. And I've got a boat and I can't row it… ummmmm…"

"Get out of the ancient famous fountain, Stefan." Lexi was getting bored.

"No, silly! That doesn't _rhyme!_" he swam up closer. "C'mon, Lexiiirinaaaaaaa! The waters fiiiiiiiiine!"

"You've gotta be kidding, boy! This jackets a one of a kind!" Lexi snorted.

Stefan pulled a sad face, like someone had just killed his puppy. No one, _no one, _could say no to Stefan Salvatore when he broke out the puppy-dog-eyes. Unless you've had over a hundred years experience with them.

"Nope." Said Lexi, popping the P.

Stefan sighed. "Can you at least help me up then?"

Lexi held her hand over the bar for Stefan to take. He grabbed it tight. Too tight. The you-just-murdered-my-puppy-dog face disappeared and the plotting-and-insanely-drunk-is-a-BAD-combination face took over. Before Lexi could react, Stefan had hurled her over the pole and into the fountain with him. Her Gucci original jacket forgotten, the only thing on her mind when she resurfaced was-

Must.

Kill.

Stefan.

The culprit was laughing so hard Lexi was amazed he hadn't suffocated. Oh yeah, vampire.

"You… you… You… You… You… You!" Lexi couldn't think of a bad enough word in any language to call her best friend at that moment. She settled for splashing him.

He splashed back.

She splashed.

He splashed.

And so on. Soon they were both laughing hysterically while trying to drown the other. Lexi shouted "Stop the presses and get the booze! Stefan Salvatore is _finally cool_!"

Then the sirens sounded.

_Oh crap._

Lexi grabbed the naked and drunk Stefan by the arm and yanked him out of the fountain, throwing his tiny swimming trunks at him so they didn't get charged with streaking through Rome as well. They were only a few metres away when Stefan gasped and whirled around. Lexi caught herself after a few steps and saw half naked Stefan charging back towards the Trevi fountain.

"Salvatore, where the hell are you going!?" She yelled after him.

He shouted over his shoulder without slowing down. "Come on, Lexiiiiiiiiii! We have to save the water pixies!"

~*~

**Ahem. So yeah. **

**I just clicked open a word file and the voices did the rest (Don't you love it when they do that!)**

**Anyway, WHAT'DYA THINK?!?!?!**

**Good or bad I don't care. Just review!**

**(And I mean you. Yes you right there, sitting at the computer but not planning on reviewing!)**

……**plz? (;**


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